Dare to Believe
by Miss Fenway
Summary: No matter what all the doctors told her, Katie refused to give up on him.  She was determined to help him believe in himself.  Dedicated to FootballandBTR.


**A/N. I haven't written much because I've had a lot going on in my personal life. But the other day, I received a message from BigTimeRush-BTR telling me about FootballandBTR, or James. At the moment, James is battling leukemia and this beautiful message was a request for one-shots written about cancer in support of him. So, I went way back to my early days of writing Big Time Rush fan fiction and wrote this one-shot related to Little Hollow. It is dedicated to James and to my aunt, who is fighting her second diagnosis of cancer, and to anyone else who suffers from cancer or knows someone who does. You are all incredibly brave people and it is my prayer that one day, there will be a cure for cancer.**

**The title and the song lyrics are from my favorite band, Boyce Avenue's song called, "Dare to Believe." It's a song that has given me hope in my own life with whatever I've been going through, even my aunt's cancer. It's the first song that came to my mind when I first received BigTimeRush-BTR's message. I don't own anything.**

****_It's feeling like the time's run out_

_But the hour glass just flipped itself over again._

_The sun is slowly sinking down_

_But on the other side a new day awaits to begin_

She was only twelve, but that didn't mean she was stupid. She had always been mature for her age, thanks to her parents' divorce when she was only six years old. By the time she was seven, Katie had donated all of her Barbie dolls and reduced her pile of stuffed animals from dozens to a select few that she kept hidden in her closet. There were some nights when Kendall went over one of his friends' houses to sleep over and it was just Katie and her mother. It was on those same nights that Katie heard her mother, who put on a brave face for her kids during the day, crying in her room. It was on those nights that Katie took her stuffed animals out of her closet and crawled into bed with her mom, erasing any trace of that grown-up little girl who made her big brother sad.

It was painfully obvious that Kendall hated how quickly she had grown up. Even when the divorce happened and he was only eleven himself, he had tried to coax her into keeping her Barbies and stuffed animals. He even spent his birthday money on a pink and purple Barbie bike that she had wanted before the divorce. What made the whole thing worse, was how Logan, James, and Carlos all chipped in to buy her a matching helmet, and knee and elbow pads. Six years old and she found herself rejecting the coveted bike and hurting her four big brothers.

But Katie, as young as she had been at the time, learned pretty quickly that the best way to deal with what had happened to her family, was to pretend that she was okay with it. That way, people stopped asking her how she was doing and she stopped thinking about how truly miserable she was. Sympathy just made everything worse, so she buried herself underneath a tough exterior and behind a thick wall of pretentious attitude that blinded everyone except those who knew her best.

That is, until Logan got sick.

He wasn't her real brother to begin with. But Katie had grown up with him and Carlos and James, just as much as she had with Kendall. He was every bit her brother as Kendall was. He always was and he always would be. So when he was diagnosed with leukemia, Katie was immediately terrified. Blindsided by the overwhelming shock and hit with a tidal wave of emotions that no one should ever have to feel, she found herself out in the open and vulnerable. The news had knocked her walls down, making it impossible for her to ever rebuild them.

_If you dare to believe in life_

_You might realize that there's no time for talkin'_

_Or just wait around while the innocent die._

Try as she might, Katie could not pretend everything was okay this time around. Her dad leaving was one thing. It was hard. Really hard. Especially since all of her friends still had both parents home with them. But Logan getting sick was a completely different thing altogether. It wasn't like he moved away and they saw him every other weekend. No, he was still right with them. He had even become an official part of the Knight family when Katie's mother adopted him. In any other case, Katie would have been thrilled, but all she could think of was the circumstances that led to the adoption in the first place.

Katie sighed heavily and rubbed at her eyes before glancing at the alarm clock near her bed. 3:47 in the morning. Another night where she wasn't going to get very much sleep. Another night where she didn't really care. Nothing mattered anymore. Except Logan.

Turning to the other side so she could stare at her wall, Katie blinked back frightened tears. They slipped down her cheeks anyway and soaked into the stuffed teddy bear she held in her arms. She had never named it, but Logan had given it to her when she turned eight, in one last desperate attempt at reclaiming her lost childhood. It hadn't been as lost as everyone thought.

She was scared. So scared. She knew, they all knew, the unavoidable fact that Logan was dying. Day by day he was growing weaker. They could lose him at any time. He had been fighting so hard for so long, but lately it seemed like a losing battle. Which was exactly why she hadn't been sleeping well. She was afraid that one day she would wake up and Logan would be there. She was afraid that-

Katie couldn't stand it any longer. She rose quietly from her bed and, still clutching her teddy bear close to her, crept as quietly as she could out of her room. Everyone was asleep, but with the exception of Logan, they had all become rather light sleepers. Logan, on the other hand, did not share their insomnia like he had when he was healthy. Instead, he actually slept more often than he was awake. At least she didn't have to worry about waking him up.

_No more, we're gonna lose everything_

_If we believe all the lies_

_I may fall, but I swear that I'll help you believe._

_No more, this one's running on empty_

_And there's no reason why_

_You may fall, but I know that you'll help me believe._

But Logan wasn't in his room. Katie froze in the doorway, her heart racing. Where could he be? Did he get sick in the middle of the night? They would have woken her up, right? Of course they would have. She was being ridiculous. But where was Logan?

"Katie?"

At the sound of his voice, Katie spun around. "Logan!" she cried out, both relieved and worried. "What are you doing up? Are you okay?"

A tired smile crossed Logan's face and he walked over to her. "I was just getting a drink of water," he told her, sitting down on his bed and patting the space next to him. "I'm fine, Katie. Why don't you sit down for a minute?"

He was worried about her. Naturally. It was so like Logan to worry about all of them when he was the one who was sick. Katie willingly sat down next to him and rested her head lightly on his shoulder. He felt small and bony, not as broad as he used to be. "I couldn't sleep," she admitted after a little while. "I was just going to check on you. . ." She trailed off because she knew that Logan hated when they checked up on him constantly.

Logan didn't look annoyed though. He smiled again and pressed a light kiss on her forehead. "Thanks, baby sister." he whispered.

Katie felt tears crowd her eyes again. She sniffed loudly and felt Logan put his arm around her, holding her close. "You should try to go back to sleep," she managed to choke out. "You need to rest."

_We've been in the dark for way too long_

_But when we turn around we see a light shine through the haze_

_So forget about who was wrong_

_'Cause I've never been more ready to turn this page._

"So do you," he replied softly. He dropped his arm and pulled away from her, his weary brown eyes full of concern. "Katie, I may be sick, but you have to take care of yourself too. You've been looking really tired lately, so I'm guessing that this isn't the first night you've had trouble sleeping."

She couldn't lie to him. Katie didn't say anything, knowing that her silence was answer enough for Logan. "I'll go back to bed then," she finally whispered, starting to get up.

But Logan grasped her arm gently and held her still. "You don't have to go yet. Do you want to stay in here for the night?"

Immediately, Katie felt better. She looked up at him, hope shinning in her eyes. "Really?" she asked. "I'll go get my sleeping bag. I can stay right here on the floor and-"

"Katie," Logan interrupted, squeezing her hand. "You don't need to sleep on the floor. You won't be comfortable and you won't sleep." He surprised Katie then by laying down and pulling her with him, holding her in his arms.

She could feel so weak he was, but she still somehow felt safe in his embrace. She could feel all the love and care he had for her and it was ultimately what made her start to cry for real. Katie cried quietly at first and then turned to bury her face in Logan's chest to muffle the sobs that were growing louder.

"Katie, don't cry." Logan pleaded with her, his own voice think with tears. "Shhh, it's okay."

"No it's not!" she argued, shaking her head against him. "It's not okay, Logan. You're so sick and no one can help you! I'm so scared!" She had completely forgotten that he needed to sleep. All she could think of was that she was scared and Logan was holding her, comforting her. "Logan, I-"

_If you swear you believe in life_

_Embrace forgiveness 'cause that's all that I'm askin'_

_Or keep holdin' out whole the innocent die._

Logan ran his fingers slowly through her hair and kissed her again. "Katie, I know." he said quietly. "I'm scared too."

She tilted her head to look up at him in wonder. "Really?" she asked, her voice shaking. "But, Logan, you're so brave. You never act scared."

"That doesn't mean that I never do get scared. I'm scared all the time," he admitted. "I don't- I don't want to die. I don't want to leave you guys. Especially now that I have a family again, officially. It means everything to me. You mean everything to me and so do Mom, Kendall, Carlos, and James."

"You mean everything to us, Logan." Katie told him, knowing that they were treading into a sensitive area of conversation. "You've always been my big brother, just like Kendall."

When he smiled then, it was hard to tell that anything was wrong with him. It brought a life into his eyes that she rarely saw anymore. "And you've always been my little sister, Katie. I guess I just. . . after my dad left. . ." he trailed off, sadness creeping into his eyes, erasing the life all over again. "I wasn't sure what to think when that happened. And. . . and when your mom took me in and made me an official part of your family. . . it meant so much to me that someone. . . wanted me."

It was then that she saw past the brave face he had put on for so long. She saw the fear he was talking about just a little while ago. Katie saw the pain so clear in his eyes and it wasn't from the cancer. He didn't deserve this pain either, but at least she could do something about it. So, she wrapped her arms tightly around her brother and held him close, ignoring how skinny he was. "I love you, Logan." she said quietly, but firmly.

"I love you too, Katie." he replied right away.

_No more, we're gonna lose everything_

_If we believe all the lies_

_I may fall, but I swear that I'll help you believe._

_No more, this one's runnin' on empty_

_And there's no reason why_

_You may fall, but I know that you'll help me believe._

"Logan, I know that Kendall probably tells you this a lot. . ." she began. She heard him chuckle softly and knew that he knew what she was about to say. At least he had reached the point where their anger didn't hurt him. "But. . . your dad was really wrong and really stupid to leave you. And I hate him for it."

"I wish he didn't leave," Logan told her honestly. "But Katie. . . in a way. . . I'm also kind of glad that he did. I hate being sick and I hate that my dad left me like he did. But even with all of this terrible and scary stuff. . . one good thing came out of it. I got a family again."

Leave it to Logan to point out the good in all of this. Katie's tears were beginning to slow and she glanced up at him again. "I wish we could have just adopted you without all of this bad stuff though. Logan?"

"What's up?" he asked patiently. He sounded more tired now and his face was a bit paler. He should be asleep right now, but he was waiting for her.

"Please don't give up, Logan." Katie closed her eyes because it was easier that way. It was easier to pretend that everything was okay, or at least close to it. "Don't give up." To know that he was scared made her even more scared. "I don't want to lose you, especially now that you really are my big brother."

She didn't have to see him to know that her words had brought tears to his eyes. She heard them in his voice when he spoke. "I don't want to give up. There's still so much for me to live for. I want to see James get his own solo career. I want to see Kendall become a hockey star. I want to see Carlos be amazing at whatever he chooses to be. I want to graduate from college and be a doctor. I want to- I want to see you get married."

Katie sat up slightly, her hair falling into her face. Brushing it back, she fixed him with an intense stare, her huge brown eyes pleading with him to believe her. "You will, Logan. You'll see all of those things. I know you will. I believe in you, Logan. You just have to believe in yourself."

Sometimes it paid to be back to a more innocent, childlike state. Adults tended to over think things and let logic and common sense get in the way of what they truly hoped would come true. They had their dreams, but they also had their goals. Sometimes they let the world drag them down with all of its negativity. Katie had once been like that but now things were different. She ignored all the real life stories she had heard of cancer and how many lives it claimed. As much as she could, she ignored Logan's terrifying changes, his weight and hair loss, his constant exhaustion, how often he was sick. If she thought about all of these things too much, it became too hard for her to keep that hope.

"You're not like anyone else," she told him, even though his eyes were closed and she was almost positive he had fallen asleep in the middle of their conversation. Maybe he could still hear her in his dreams and it would give him enough strength and courage to fight another day. "You're my big brother Logan, the strongest, bravest person I will ever know. You're going to beat this and see all of your dreams come true. I know you will, Logan."

Katie laid back down, settling into Logan's arms again. She laid with her ear pressed to his chest and listened to his heart beat at a strong and steady pace. She listened to his breathing, deep and even, only a little labored. And she clung to him with all that she had, praying that it would be enough.

She was surprised when Logan kissed her a third time. She was sure he had fallen asleep. But he was awake and even though she wanted him to be asleep by now, at least she knew that he had heard her and was taking her words to heart. "I love you, Logan." she said, suddenly feeling sleepy herself. She was afraid to sleep though.

"I love you too, Katie. So much." Logan's words tripped over each other as he began to drift off into a deep sleep. "Thanks for being my little sister. Go to sleep now, okay? I promise I'll be here when you wake up."

A genuine sense of peace surrounded Katie when Logan whispered his promise. As sick as he was and even though they had no way of knowing what tomorrow would bring, she knew that he would keep that promise. She knew that when she woke up, everything would be okay, because Logan would still be with all of them. That was all that mattered at the moment. They would take it one day at a time and stick together. All of them. Ultimately, they would get through this.

Logan was asleep now and Katie was seconds from her dreams as well. She treasured every bit of that brief time to repeat Logan's promise over and over again in her head. By the time she had finally fallen asleep with Logan close by, holding onto her, Katie had multiplied Logan's promise so that it would stay true for the rest of their lives. He was going to be okay. He was going to get better. He had to. He would. They would be there for him every single step of the way.

_No more, we're gonna lose everything_

_If we believe all the lies_

_You may fall, but I swear that I'll help you believe_

_You may fall, but I swear that I'll help you believe_

_I may fall, but I swear that I'll help you believe._

**A/N. James, I don't know you and I don't know if you'll ever read this. But I want to say that your strength and courage is an inspiration to so many people out there. Thank you for being so amazing. I'm praying for you every single day.**


End file.
